The actual map of the River

This is an actual map of the Mississippi River as drawn by the person who invented maps. He knew what he was talking about... all maps since have been weak ass.

Casino Cruises

There are numerous Casino Cruises that now are taking place on the Mississippi River. Critics are saying that these boats are polluting the national river and hurting the earth in the process.

What they don't realize is that without these casinos how will young men who have run from their parents realize how the real world can take your money?

So environmentalists... think about that the next time you whine.

The Other Names

A lot of people think that the first pioneers of America were the ones who named the Mississippi River. This is untrue. The name Mississippi River is actually older than the Mississippi River itself. It was created by God during the Triassic Period as code for the journey a young triceratops had to go through to become an adult triceratops. When Americans arrived at the river there were giant signs that simply said:

This is the Mississippi River.

-God

So they decided to name the state Mississippi after the river, and it's been a hit ever since.

But there were other names that God proposed, such as these:

• Metaphorical Journey Canal
• Coming-of-age River
• Huckleberry Finn Fjord
• J.D. Salinger Creek (Later this was dismissed since he decided that was phony)
• Mildly Racist But In The Time It Was Okay To Say Those Words River
• Faulkner and Melville Will Also Use This River But It Won't Be As Famous For It Stream
• Kentucky River

But God liked how it sounded when he spelled Mississippi.

Let's talk a look at it

This is the great Mississippi River. Possibly the most famous river in the United States it stretches North to South across the country and it seems to serve two purposes:

1. To provide water to the citizens of America
2. To provide a way to travel, in particular to young adventurous boys who use the river as a way to figure out who they are, and in the process who their friends are.

Scholars have agreed that the river is both very beautiful and extremely helpful in letting young men come of age.

Historic. And if you look at the picture really hard you can see the dreams of the young ones being squashed by the harsh realities of life captured in the river.

Just beautiful.